A Message For You, Dad.

Dear Dad,

“Daddy," I whispered, feeling my own breath hitch in my throat. "I love you. "Just when I was sure he was asleep, the one corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. "I knew that," he murmured. "Always knew that.” 

I miss you. Here's a message for you. It doesn't matter whether it has been a day. month or a year, the pain of losing you will be pinching me for a lifetime. How I wish you can stay with me right now, pack me some food when I'm stay up late in the night. I keep thinking about you though it is pain and i had give anything to relive all the memories again. I remember the beautiful childhood memories, thinking of the loves you gave me unconditionally, how you take care of our family, your smile, your voice, everything. When I was a kid, you used to fetch me up with your motorcycle. It was a precious thing as I hugged you tightly and enjoying the wind blowing. It was so fun. It has been a long time I never sit on a motor. When I was in primary school, I was a lazy student. Remember that you called up by my teacher because of I didn't do my homework. You scare I will scold my mummy, so you help me to keep this secret, until now. When I growing up, I have a boyfriend, and I spent my time with him longer than you. It's a thing that make me feel guilty and regret now. Everytime you are home. I spent only one day in a week to accompany you. Ridiculous, IKR. When I quarreled with mommy, I will text you, then you will call back and ask me to calm down and don't get angry. I know I am very bad tempered but you were still pampered me. Until that day, you asked me to be well-behave and obedient, and I promised I'll try my best though this kind of thing is really hard for me to change, it takes time. It doesn't matter who my father was, it is a matter that I remember who he was. I know you are a warm-hearted, helpful and caring person. This made me really proud of you, Dad. You always feel free to help anyone even those you are not really close, maybe just treat them a cup of tea or talking to them. You're a great man for me.

I never knew that being fatherless makes me so lonely, powerless, worthless and helpless, sometimes. I know I have to be strong but sorry for letting you down, I can never be strong enough to accept that you are no longer here. It is hurt to think that you are not here. Although I can't help but smile with tears while thinking of how cherished the moments of our lives when you are still alive. Everytime my friends accidentally talk about you, the tears is in my eyes but I've to try my best to let it not to drop down. Everytime I see others discussing their father happily, I envy but it also hurts me. I wish my father is also be at my side too. I am still too small to loss a father. The death of a father is never can be accepted.  

Death might be a wish for some, a relief for many, an end for all. However, your death is a start for me. It takes away not only you but also my unsung hero. I start to miss you day and night when I have nothing to do. When I am eating your favorites foods, watching drama. Father's Day is coming soon. But it's a painful reminder of your absence in my life. How much I wish I could turn back time and live out every single day with you. 

The best Dad doesn't exits in the world now because he's in Heaven now. Your memories will become my heartbeats, I am thinking of you all the time when I am alive. So, I won't immortalize you in the stars as stars fade, my heartbeat will only stop on the day I die. Death taken you forever, but my life's hero you will forever be. 

Happy Father's Day, Dad.